Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Section: 9 Article: Random Thoughts

I've been rewatching the Star Trek shows in sequential order and they have episodes every so often that deals with the mirror universe, basically bizarro clones of everyone. Everyone's evil, usually. Or just assholes. But I'm kind of a dick in this universe, mostly good with just some chaotic evil influences. Every time I watch one of those episodes, or any TV show with an evil clone episode, all I can think is how embarrassing would it be to find out you were your own evil clone?


I mean you and your crew bump into all these mirror people and they're all assholes, then you meet yourself and everyone is ready for another showdown and they're the most laid back, nicest person you can meet. The most awkward of silence and cricket noises ensues as everyone tries so hard not to meet your eyes.


Even more awkward, what if they tried to trade you out for your clone? Oh that would suck.
***


I'm bored at work and I was just thinking, I kind of want to be the asshole who snapchats a whole movie to their friends.


And this is why I'll be left in an evil mirror universe.
***


You ever have those total 'it can only happen to me' moments? Some things in my life I think the universe just sets up for its own slapstick amusement. There are definitely moments in my life that lend credence to the belief that I am on some Addy version of The Truman Show.


Case in point:


I'm walking to the entrance of the church my Scouts meet in for their Fly Up ceremony and I'm walking next to mother of one of my Scouts just talking. My foot must have gotten caught on a tree root or a fucked up piece of sidewalk and I completely eat dirt. Well technically I eat bush because I fall, nay dive face first into a freaking bush. There also happened to be a dead bird under the bush that I slap with my hand as I try to save myself. Not only that, I fall so hard my bra comes unhooked. I didn't even know that could happen. I didn't notice at first until I was back in the kitchen area with a hand full of Neosporin and I had to ask one of the other leaders to help me get my tits under control.
***

So I think I'm going to be forever alone. I just had this realization that my first instinct is to be mean to people. Mainly potential suitors. I don't know why, but I just push people away sometimes. Not all the time, usually I can stave off that instinct but it's still there.

Like, I got bored at work so I started day dreaming and it turned kind of sexual, as my day dreams are wont to do. Whatever celebrity I was thinking about at the time walks up to me in my mind's eye and says, 'Well Miss Addy, what are we going to do with you.'

My first instinct in my own sexual fantasy is to fix him with a dead eyed stare and say in my best Wednesday Addams voice, 'Hopefully die in front of me.'

Never mind that the comeback did not fit the question at all (or maybe it did? I don't know. It's 6:09am right now and I've been up all night answering phones) but this is why I'll die alone with twenty cats who will be fighting over each other to be the first to eat my face. They do that you know. They always go for the face, I don't know why and I'm too lazy to look it up.

Or maybe I just need someone who will sling zingers back at me in the same monotone voice? 
***
My sister is totally pregnant. This has nothing to do with anything other than I'm excited and wanted to brag that I'll be an Aunt and a Godmother come January.

Can't wait to see that moon belly!